With attention spans shrinking daily, folks have less time (or at least, they devote less time) to fully comprehend the world around them… especially the parts that don’t comply with their pre-existing beliefs and biases.
And with the explosive growth of the “new media”, people are likelier than ever to simply scan headlines, rather than reading full articles and developing a thorough understanding of the issues.
Combine these two, and you’ve inevitably got plenty of folks Misreading The News — that is, reaffirming their own beliefs by reading news headlines (without bothering to realize the story doesn’t really confirm — or, in fact, actually undermines — their opinions).
Here are some top headlines for today:
Lil Wayne thrashes PM on YouTube: I never thought much of Lil Wayne, but a video of him kicking Stephen Harper’s ass is, singlehandedly, almost enough to justify making YouTube a pay-per-use service.
Accused’s kin blame disabled Canadian: I understand that people have some philosophical issues with the Olympic movement, but blaming one of our Paralympic athletes for your own crimes? That’s unacc… alright, I can’t even joke about this one, really. Heath Proden, a Canadian man who uses a wheelchair, was in Australia earlier this weekend when two teenage pieces of shit beat him nearly to death. Now family members of the worthless little scumbags are defending the punks, saying that Proden apparently “provoked” his near-fatal thrashing. Hey, here’s a clue, you stupid little dipshits: if someone provokes you, walk the fuck away. God damn fucking world.
How admen turned Lindsay trampy: Why would you evil advertising guys do that? She was so pristine and austere before. I blame Don Draper.
Microsoft loses appeal in Word patent case: My God, there goes Microsoft again, that big evil tech company, trying to patent words themselves? They want complete, unfettered control of our language? Can you imagine the sort of control they’ll be able to exercise if that happens? Boy, the sooner we turn all of the works of literature in human history over to Google, the better. Then they’ll be able to protect it!
Grizzlies’ fate in panel’s hands: Uh, hate to break it to you guys, but you know they moved to Memphis a while ago, eh?
Cooked ham recall over Listeria fears: Spam and mouthwash? When did the standard hobo diet become headline news?
Just what Quebec needs: a dress code: I agree! Those scandalously short skirts that women flaunt all over the province are distracting motorists, causing them to drive erratically. Once this dress code is enacted, I’m sure the roads of Quebec will become safer for drivers and pedestrians alike!
Wavin’ Flag becomes Haiti anthem: Typical unscrupulous Western imperialism. Swoop in at a country’s moment of supreme weakness and co-opt their culture and sense of self. Now we’re forcing the songs of Canadian artists like K’Naan to be played in Haitian schools and government buildings; next, a smiling Michaelle Jean “adopts” the country, and before long, we’ve got an eleventh province. For shame, Canadian capitalist pigdogs, for shame.